How Do I Know If My Therapist Is The Right “Fit” For Me?

Looking for a new therapist can be overwhelming. As therapists, we’re pretty used to discussing our styles and approaches but we forget sometimes that non-therapists may have questions about what these terms really mean or what they look like in practice.

Read more below to learn about different styles of therapy and the importance of finding the right “match” when looking for a therapist.

Why Does Fit Matter?

Research shows that the rapport between therapist and client is directly related to client outcomes. Why? Because it feels good to be understood and seen by someone who “gets” you. It makes it easier to feel comfortable and open up in sessions. The relationship between the therapist and the client can be one of the most healing parts of the therapeutic experience. Therapists are a source of trust, support and at times, they are models for appropriate boundaries or rupture and repair. The relationship itself can be just as important for the healing process as the interventions used.

What Are the Different Types of Therapy?

When looking at therapist bios you may feel overwhelmed by therapy jargon. Here is a brief overview of different styles and approaches.

Psychoanalysis: Originally created by the “father” of psychotherapy, Sigmund Freud, psychoanalysis relies on the patient exploring their past, childhood, family dynamics and inner workings for the therapist to reflect patterns. Psychoanalysis uses the framework that there are unconscious forces that inform thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Many therapists use psychodynamic principles to conceptualize a case, but therapists who are strictly psychoanalysts often recommend meeting multiple times a week. Sessions may be less structured and rely on the patient leading sessions by discussing what’s on their mind and memories from the past.

CBT: CBT stands for cognitive behavioral therapy and is one of the most commonly used and evidence-based interventions in modern psychotherapy. CBT relies on the framework that our thoughts, behaviors and feelings are related. Many therapists employ this framework either in a more informal way (discussing in sessions) or in a more structured way (handouts, homework, and education in sessions). CBT is heavily researched and shown to improve symptoms of anxiety and depression, and increase self-esteem. That being said, CBT is not always the most effective model for more complex disorders that may require a more in-depth approach.

DBT:  DBT stands for dialectical behavioral therapy. Created by Marsha Linehan, DBT is a structured treatment model that originated as a treatment for borderline personality disorder. Nowadays, it is commonly used for clients who would benefit from increased DBT skills. DBT focuses on skill building in four main areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. DBT is a more structured approach than some other interventions, it often involves helpful handouts and worksheets. Therapists may use DBT in sessions or recommend a structured DBT group for patients who are experiencing more severe symptoms. DBT is incredibly helpful and skill-based as a treatment, some of my favorite DBT skills to teach clients include radical acceptance and self-validation.

EMDR: EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This approach is often recommended for survivors of trauma and people with PTSD. Although it is a newer approach, the research is promising for trauma survivors. EMDR involves processing traumatic memories while engaging in eye movement (or other bilateral stimulation, depending on your practitioner) to help alleviate symptoms of distress associated with trauma. It can be difficult to verbally process traumatic events, however many patients see an improved response to traumatic memories with EMDR.  

IFS: IFS stands for internal family systems and is also a great tool for trauma survivors and those with childhood or complex trauma. IFS uses the framework that inside all of us there are multiple “parts” led by a core Self. For example, a “protector” part may be a part of you that becomes angry and defensive, and acts as a protector of your more vulnerable, wounded parts. An IFS therapist will help you identify different parts of yourself and understand why those parts originated. IFS is a great intervention for increasing self-compassion and understanding. Studies have shown IFS to be effective and creates a sense of inner and outer connectedness.

Approaches for Couples Therapy

Gottman Method: The Gottman Method is a highly researched and effective approach for improving relationships among couples. The Gottmans are a married couple who have spent years studying what makes relationship work, and can predict divorce with 98% accuracy. Their method improves relationships by building skills for communication, improving conflict, and nurturing fondness and admiration. I use the Gottman Method with couples and have witnessed firsthand the efficacy of this approach.

EFT: EFT stands for emotionally focused therapy. Developed by psychologists Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg, it focuses on the relationship as an attachment bond and encourages couples to identify and express their emotions to create a more secure dynamic. EFT therapists guide couples through this structured approach to de-escalate conflict, restructure communication and increase vulnerability and emotional expression with one another.

Other Considerations

It’s important to consider other things that matter to you as a client. For example, it’s very normal and common to want a therapist to share some of the same identities as you to feel more comfortable and understood. Consider if gender, religion, LGBT identity and racial or cultural identity is important for you to feel like a therapist is a good fit.

In Summary

Each therapist will have their own unique combination of modalities, style and identities that may or may not work for you. I recommend giving a therapist about 3 sessions to feel out if it’s a right “fit”. Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist questions about their approach to therapy.

Ultimately you get to decide what is best for you. Sometimes we really “click” with someone and other times we don’t. I also encourage you to share with your therapist if you feel like something is missing – although it may feel uncomfortable, as therapists we’re trained to accept and engage with feedback.

If you think we may be a good fit for therapy, you can learn more about my approach here.